


Always Read The Labels

by excessThinking (Nobodyhasblindedme)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Drabble, Food Kink, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Oneshot, Stuffing, non-edited, some xenobiology headcanons but if you blink you'll miss them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:46:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22575781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nobodyhasblindedme/pseuds/excessThinking
Summary: Dirk is hungry and finds something to snack on in the cupboards. Unfortunately, it's a troll food of unknown substance and he cannot read Alternian well yet.
Relationships: Dirk Strider/Karkat Vantas
Kudos: 20





	Always Read The Labels

**Author's Note:**

> literally just a oneshot I completed from months ago and didn't want to turn into something longer - don't look at me, my kinks are showing.

Dirk wakes not so much with a jolt as a creep back to consciousness that the pressure quickly turning into an aching pain was leading to by the hand. He opens his eyes and has to blink the haze of the lamplight away as the rest of the room had gone dark around him with his impromptu afternoon nap. But attempting to sit up was not happening.

What was happening was that the lingering heat and pressure was now sitting pretty over his entire lower body, huge and pulsing with the beat of his own heart. Looking down, Dirk blinked at the sight. Not really awake enough to understand.

His stomach was aching alright, the edge of his shirt riding up a little as even his sweatpants were a bit taught under the strain of the oversized curve of skin under them. Hands, heavier then they should have been came up to carefully touch it, and Dirk winced. It was warm, almost hot under his hands as they gently, so gently rubbed what he could. Pulling his shirt up, the full extent of it was brought to the soft lamplight. Dirk couldn't hold back the breathless bit of laughter at the utterly bizarre sight of his stomach expanded three or four times what any logic of safety dictated and had to hold back another sound, this one perhaps not so much of pain but other sensation, when trying to expand his lungs to their full capacity resulted in another ripple of ache.

He tried to think of what in the world this was, what might have caused it, when the front door banged in, and Dirk was hard pressed not to jump up (or try to).

There was the sound of Karkat's rough voice, growling and fussing, and already doing that thing where he knew Dirk was home but didn't know what room of the house he was in and so raised his voice to something between a yell and normal-people speak, nattering about this and that, and all the things he was planning for the rest of the week.

Then, right in the middle of a sentence, as Dirk was struggling to find the air and ability to speak without jostling himself too much, Karkat's rambles trail off and stop.

There's the crinkle of the package that Dirk had forgotten he'd left on the counter, the weird troll food that-

Oh.

Dirk manages to haul himself into something like a lounging position against the arm of the couch, still more lying then sitting, when Karkat's soft footsteps come closer, and stop being audible entirely when he enters the living room. The empty package is in his hands, and his eyebrows clear the roof as they get a full sight of Dirk and his ah. Predicament. 

“Oh,” the troll says simply. 

_Oh_ , Dirk echoes in his own head.

Karkat is taking it all in, Dirk can tell with how his carmine eyes sweep over the prostrate form of his boyfriend. Dirk doesn’t miss the slight reddening under the flexible chitin on the troll’s facial plate either, the tiny dots like endodermic filaments lighting like constellations of distant red giants on the troll’s black skin. Huh. 

“This is part of an emergency ration pack - you’re only supposed to eat like, a teaspoon of this stuff at a time,” Karkat manages to get out. 

Dirk huffs as much as he can, choosing to ignore for now the creeping red on both of their faces. “Yeah, thanks, could never have guessed.” 

Karkat steps closer, giving one last incredulous glance to the empty package and then going back to looking with eyes that can’t seem to stop moving at Dirk’s bloated form. Dirk for his part looks up from his position, sitting up as best he can, trying to hide the wince as his gut shifts with a fucking _noise_ that has the blood in his face giving away more then any words. 

It’s rather unexpected when dark hands come down on the partially exposed belly, claws so delicate over its surface. Dirk grits his teeth, and shifts a leg. 

Karkat kneels on the couch in front of him. His hands don’t leave the expanse of skin. He presses in, and Dirk jolts as air is forced up, gurgling in the back of his throat and laying his head back. “If we could not remark on this, I’d be ever os fucking grateful,” he sighs. 

Karkat raises a brow at him, and presses again. Dirk makes another small sound and the troll..is glowing plenty brighter now in the lower light of the living room. Fucker. 

“Remark to who? Right, because I’m totally the globebiter that would take pictures of this shit and post it on our group chat. ‘Massive Tool Makes Even Bigger Fool of Himself’.” 

Dirk is about to comment on the proposed title of the imaginary image collection - or about how the thought of Karkat taking pictures that will last for him to come back to any time he wants makes him clench his fists and breath a little heavier - when the trolls leans forward suddenly. The kiss is unexpected, but warm; Karkat is always so much warmer then even other humans it’s unfair. 

The hand on his belly presses Dirk back, and keeps the pressure up as Karkat settles himself more firmly in Dirk’s lap. 

“I think for now I just want to see you _squirm_ , Strider.”


End file.
